


Never Grow Up

by ellacj



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Family, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2014-10-14
Packaged: 2018-02-21 02:58:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2452190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellacj/pseuds/ellacj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina measures her life in birthdays.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Grow Up

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of my 20th work... feels. Swan-Mills family style.

_Your little hands wrapped around my finger and it’s so quiet in the world tonight._

On his first birthday, she holds him to her chest as she blows out the candle on the single cupcake she made for him.

_Your little eyelids flutter ‘cause you’re dreaming so I tuck you in; turn on your favorite nightlight._

On his fifth birthday, when she measures his height on the kitchen wall, he insists on measuring hers too. So she bends down until she’s kneeling on the floor in front of him, unable to hold back her smile when he draws a crooked line and giggles, “Momma, you’re short!”

_To you, everything’s funny; you’ve got nothing to regret. I’d give all I have, honey if you could stay like that._

On his seventh birthday, Regina hears the song for the first time.

They have their little family party as they do each year, with lasagna and chocolate cake that Henry doesn’t know took Regina hours to prepare. After putting him to bed with a kiss to his forehead, Regina goes to her bedroom and turns on her radio. She just catches the song only a few seconds in. When it finishes she goes online and downloads it to her iPod.

_Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up, don’t you ever grow up, just stay this little._

On his ninth birthday he wriggles away from her good morning kiss, insisting he’s too old, but after they measure his height, he traces the crooked line and wobbly handwriting measuring Regina’s height four years ago. “I remember when you were short,” he says quietly. She listens to the song on repeat until she falls asleep.

_Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up, don’t you ever grow up, it could stay this simple._

Somewhere between his ninth and tenth birthday, he receives a book from his teacher that changes everything. She listens to the song twice the night he tells her she’s evil.

_I won’t let nobody hurt you; won’t let no one break your heart._

On his tenth birthday he’s nowhere to be found. Regina and Graham search everywhere. When he comes home he comes with a strange woman who swears she’s leaving the next day but decides to stay forever.

_And no one will desert you, please try to never grow up._

Shortly after his tenth birthday, Regina listens to the song on repeat and sobs as she thinks that he might actually never grow up. She cries even more when her curse is broken and she realizes he’ll grow up without her.

_At fourteen there’s just so much you can’t do and you can’t wait to move out someday and call your own shots._

On his eleventh birthday she finally gets to celebrate with him again, with the strange woman who decided to stay forever watching her with a wary eye. Regina goes home and looks at the markings on the wall and listens to the song and cries because the marks stop at nine.

_But don’t make her drop you off around the block._

By his twelfth birthday, he’s forgotten about her. He left with the strange woman who promised she’d stay forever and both of them forgot she ever existed. With no way to listen to the song in this world, she lies in her bed and sings it quietly to herself until her voice breaks and she can’t continue.

_Remember, she’s getting older too._

On his thirteenth birthday he’s back home and the strange woman who came back apologizes. “I’m sorry you missed a year of his life.”

“I’m sorry you missed ten.”

_And don’t lose the way that you dance around in your PJ’s getting ready for school._

On his fourteenth birthday he spends the day with Paige and Regina plans to spend it alone with her iPod. But the strange woman who came back knocks on her door and her name is Emma and Regina thinks she might love her. That day is the day their lips meet for the first time.

_Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up, don’t you ever grow up, just stay this little._

On his sixteenth birthday Emma hands him the keys to her old yellow car that carries so many memories and they all laugh as they catch on the ring Regina put on her finger a month before. Regina listens to the song alone and cries as he goes out for his first solo drive; alone until Emma wraps her arms around her and kisses her shoulder. “He’s growing up.”

_Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up, don’t you ever grow up, it could stay this simple._

On his eighteenth birthday he buys a pack of cigarettes he’ll never light just because he can, and Regina can’t even reach over his head when they measure his height on the wall. He takes the marker from her with a gentle smile and traces over his head, writing a neat number _18_ beside it. Then he kneels down and traces the crooked lettering from when he was five years old that reads, _Momma_. “I remember when you were short,” he whispers.

_And no one’s ever burned you, nothing’s ever left you scarred._

Between his eighteenth and nineteenth birthday he stands up on a stage and collects a piece of paper when they read his name and he stays out late with friends he might never see again. Regina sits in the living room and listens to the song on repeat until Emma comes home and sits with her. They’re going on fifteen loops when Emma says something that changes everything. “Let’s have another one.”

_And even though you want to, please try to never grow up._

On the day she’s born Regina and Emma are the happiest people in the world. Henry comes home to meet her, and Regina looks at her family and wonders how she got so lucky to have them in her life. When they bring her home and Regina goes to bed that night she finds a gray hair on her head and realizes Henry isn’t the only one getting older.

_Take pictures in your mind of your childhood._

On her second birthday they add her height to the wall, in bright red marker. She traces her chubby fingers over Henry’s crooked handwriting from two decades ago and giggles. “Momma short.”

Regina remembers when she was short.

_Memorize what it sounded like when your ~~dad~~ mom gets home._

On her seventh birthday she has a big party with all her friends, and Regina’s worried but Henry isn’t upset that he never got one. And she watches Emma play with Ellie and her friends and there’s tears in her eyes because she hasn’t listened to the song in seven years but tonight she knows she’s going to.

_Remember the first steps, remember the words said, and all your ~~little~~ big brother’s favorite songs._

On her tenth birthday Henry brings his son to the party and for the first time, Neal is trusted to watch both Ellie and Peter all on his own while their parents go for drinks and fawn over Paige’s belly, swollen with Henry’s second child. The sounds of Taylor Swift begin to fill the house again.

_I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone._

On her sixteenth birthday she squeals when she gets the keys to her new car, and promises to take Peter and the twins for a ride someday. Regina is completely gray by now and has stopped dying her hair. Her joints are starting to hurt.

_So here I am in my new apartment in a big city, they just dropped me off._

After her eighteenth birthday, Ellie moves to New York for school and Emma and Regina are both crying when they leave her apartment. They listen to the song all the way home and when they get there the house is too big and too empty but they don’t have the heart to move away because this is where it all started. Twin hearts, forged from the same stone, finally united in the soft white space that is Regina’s living room, and she’s so glad that the strange woman who decided to stay forever turned into Emma Swan-Mills.

_It’s so much colder than I thought it would be so I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on._

On Ellie’s thirty-fifth birthday, Regina can barely get up from the couch. Henry and Ellie and their kids come over and Regina meets her daughter’s daughter for the last time. They go into the kitchen to measure the young girl’s height and Emma helps Regina up so she can watch. Henry holds her hand as Leyla traces the faded blue and red marks on the wall. He reaches over her shoulder and gently traces the crooked handwriting from almost forty years ago and whispers in her ear, “I remember when you were short.”

_I wish I’d never grown up._

When Ellie and Henry leave Regina cries. Emma turns on the song and holds her tight until she’s silently shuddering in her arms.

_I wish I’d never grown up._

On her thirty-sixth birthday, they celebrate without Regina for the first time ever. Leyla barely notices her absence; she’s too young to really understand the concept of death. But everyone else is quiet as she runs into the kitchen to measure her height.

_Oh, I don’t wanna grow up, wish I’d never grown up, I could still be little._

Henry kneels down and runs his hands over that wobbly line, that crooked handwriting that reads _Momma_ , and a single tear falls from his left eye. “I’ll always remember when you were short.”

_Oh, I don’t wanna grow up, wish I’d never grown up, it could still be simple._

Emma starts to slow down after Regina dies, and by the time Leyla is ten she too is unable to get off the couch. “Come on, Grandma,” she insists, pulling on Emma’s hand.

Emma smiles sadly and shakes her head. “I can’t, baby, I’m sorry.”

_Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up, don’t you ever grow up, just stay this little_

Henry kneels beside her, his joints even too now growing stiff. “You okay, Ma?”

_Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up, don’t you ever grow up, it could stay this simple._

“I think I’m gonna see your Mom soon,” Emma says hoarsely.

_I won’t let nobody hurt you._

“Don’t talk like that.”

_Won’t let no one break your heart._

“Take good care of the house, okay? Make sure those marks in the kitchen don’t disappear.”

_And even though you want to, please try to never grow up._

Emma doesn’t see Leyla’s eleventh birthday. Henry and his family move into the house and they keep marking the kitchen with every year their kids grow, and every year on Regina’s birthday Henry kneels on the floor and he traces his finger over his crooked handwriting, and if he closes his eyes he can almost remember the time he made that mark. But even for him, the memories fade over time. By the time Wendy and Felix bring their kids over to make their marks in the kitchen, Henry has forgotten almost everything.

But there’s one thing he never forgets.

_Never grow up._

He’ll always remember when Regina was short.


End file.
